It seems that Avocados are bloody good for you. High in protein and healthy fats, low in sugar and packed with potassium and vitamins K, B, C and E. All of this is evidently working out for the fruits themselves, which always have a robust look about them (though Pater questions one website's description of them as "meat substitutes". Sorry tofu-lovers but nothing substitutes meat!).
What's true for the fruit, certainly seems to be true for our Avocado Juniors. How else can Pater explain the continued growth and development in our children? Every time I turn around (which admittedly is not too often, unless I'm chasing my own tail), there's something new. We all still remember when AJ1 turned over in the winter of 2010 in Florida. And yet now, only a year and a half later, she's driving on her own...
...riding long extinct animals with no help from us or Barney Rubble...
...performing death-defying stunts...
...learning how to be a real Canadian...
...experimenting with makeup...
...being taught how to beat up boys (known colloquially as "karate")...
...and Pater's biggest upset: starting nursery, a prison sentence that will end for her in a little over 20 years...
Okay, okay, she's a girl. They develop quicker. It's understandable. Friends assured Pater he can rest easy in knowing that AJ2 will live up to his gender and evolve at a pace only slightly faster than the one in which Homo-Habilis became Homo-Sapien. But then how to explain him going from a cute accessory or doorstop...
...to getting leg muscles...
...and learning how to use them for practical reasons...
...and not so practical reasons...
Pater thought the achievement of standing and climbing would satisfy AJ2 for the next 18 years or so. But oh no, he had to get clever. Like Christopher Columbus before him, the travel-bug hit AJ2 and he was off...
...and when foiled in his escape attempts, AJ2 reverted to other methods of evasion...
Once Pater got past mournful declarations to Mater of "it was only yesterday that...", he pulled himself together (read: Mater slapped him). The educational system now has AJ1, so there's nothing Pater can do to stop her Ascent. But Pater can still slow down one aspect of AJ2's Ascent, notably his mobility - and is doing so by any means available...
Pater checked: sisters can still be used in warfare without contravening The Geneva Convention.
Mater will admit it - after spending two fun-filled years with my gorgeous, funny, clever AJ1, there were serious doubts as to whether a Mater's love could stretch to encompass a second Avocado Junior. If you can't improve on perfection, isn't trying a futile effort? Pater is rolling his eyes, because during the hormone-fuelled rollercoaster that was my last pregnancy, Mater was taken to philosophizing on matters such as these and Pater had hoped they would end with AJ2's birth. But Pater can rest easy because, as we near AJ2's first birthday, Mater is happy to report that far from being a zero sum game, perfection can be improved on when it comes to loving Avocado Juniors (Pater: which makes sense since Avocados have what's called (Mater: by nerds) Perfect flowers.). So as far as Mater is concerned, the more the better!
And before the other man in Mater's life gets jealous, happy 5th anniversary Pater. New York was a blast!
After competing with Mater as to who was AJ1's favourite and who witnessed her first, well, everything (and winning despite what Mater
claimed), Pater assumed Parental Rivalry wouldn't rear its ugly head with AJ2 - after all, he's a boy (and so why fight the whole Oedipal-favouritism thing) and he's a boy (and therefore slow to do, well, anything). But Pater didn't factor for AJ1 becoming Mini-Mater in looks, energy, humour and intelligence, resulting in a natural, familial assumption that AJ2 would become Mini-Pater. And to begin with, this certainly seemed the case.
Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, exhibit 1 - demeanour:
Exhibit 2 - energy level:
Exhibit 3 - lack of athleticism (and ability to button up trousers):
The Jury was in and the verdict was decidedly in favour of Pater over Mater. And then something happened in AJ2's sixth month. One minute, it was all "he's mini-Pater!" and the next it was, "are either of the Avocado Juniors your children?". Like with AJ1, the chips started falling far from the block, beginning with exercise. After all, Pater can't do push-ups, planks or weird yoga positions...
...Pater has no musical or singing aspirations...
...Pater doesn't know how to charm the ladies (family or otherwise)...
...Pater is terrible at wrestling...
...and, to put it bluntly, Pater is just not so damn cute...
But before Pater relinquishes all trace of genetic ownership in AJ2, perhaps there is one trait that proves a link to his father - a love of food. Yup, Pater will take that and bank it (completely and intentionally ignoring the reality that this is one trait AJ2 actually shares with both parents). Phew, what a relief...
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