Once upon a blog, Avocado Junior firsts were captured religiously and often the sole topic of one post after another. Those were the days when Mater and Pater assumed we were the first parents in the world, witnessing the first of, well, pretty much anything done by the world's first babies, and so we reported each burp, roll and smile accordingly. Why haven't we done the same for you, AJ4? Does that means that we love you any less? Far from it! As our last child, we are hyper sensitive to the reality that is the last time we will see one of our children do something for the first time. Unfortunately space and time is limited, and you have 3 siblings who are still breaking new ground, still embracing life's challenges, some successfully, some endearing, some not, but all newsworthy. For example, at a concert last night, your seven-year-old sister informed your Mater that her attempts at dancing were embarrassing her (Pater could have sworn he would have been the first recipient of that statement). This wasn't captured on video, but your two-year-old brother's first ice-skating attempts this morning were:
See, it's happened again! This post was meant to be all about our last child's recent firsts and it got hijacked by the other kids. Argh, concentrate Pater. No more stories about AJ1 and her proficiency as a skater...
...or AJ2 and his amazing new hockey skills...
...or AJ3 and his first pee in the toilet...okay, not showing that video, but how about his first night in a big boy bed...
OMG, stop! Hereon in, Pater solemnly swears to only recount with FTPP (First Time Parent Pride) your firsts, AJ4. Like your first Autumn...
...and your first attempt at turning over...
..and your first bath not in a sink (with a little gift left over on one occasion)...
...and your first girlfriend...
...and your first, second attempt at turning over (probably not helped by AJ2's weird obsession with sucking his thumb and touching your head whenever he sees you)...
...and your first nursery rhyme singalong...
...and your first solid food...
...and your first, third attempt at turning over...
...and your first snow (don't be fooled into thinking it will always be this light)...
...and your first bedroom (yes, the previous tenant may need to be evicted if he doesn't stay in his new bedroom)...
...and your first successful rollover (good job, buddy, and well done for being successful while only Pater and his iPhone were around. Much appreciated)...
...and of course, your first taste of being a Hass Avocado...
That's certainly a lot of firsts; Pater hopes that they were as exciting for you as they were for us. And while you're not the first of our children to be experiencing these first moments, you are the first to do so surrounded by so many adoring fans...
...who can't get over how damn cute you are!
AJ4, as you sit, a tad squashed, in your safe and warm haven, you are no doubt concerned about what to expect when you join us next month. Especially as you hear muffled voices permeating through Mater's womb and wonder what the contradictory sounds all mean - one minute shouting, the next calm; one minute whining, the next acquiescing; one minute crying, the next laughing; one minute angry, the next minute loving. And that's just AJ2! Argh, what does it all mean? All those unknowns can be scary (if they weren't, Harper Lee and William Golding wouldn't be famous!) but maybe Pater can put your mind at ease by giving you a heads up on what to expect. After all, there's no better way to overcome fear than with knowledge. Or at least that's what it said in Pater's fortune cookie last week. That and "Help, I'm trapped in a fortune cookie factory".
Here's the first piece of knowledge: meditation leads to calmness. Judging on the punch Pater just felt against Mater's stomach it seems like you don't want to spend your last month in the womb achieving nirvana through yoga. Hmmm, how about trying food? It seems to calm the Avocado Hasses et famille instantly. Preparing it. Eating it. At all times. In all places. Namaste.
Many people find the garden relaxing. No, not playing in it. Working in it. Hard.
Mater has suggested that perhaps you might also want to have fun in the garden. Whatever. Pater supposes you'll want protection while you're out there too? Kids of today!
Since we've veered into the virtues of exercise, you should be aware that it's not just our garden where you can run, slide, jump, skip, scooter, climb or bounce.
Worried about being outside in a country that is frozen for 75% of the year? Not a problem. We can do "indoors" and even "water indoors" any time you want.
Okay, okay, Pater will 'fess up; a few homework photos were snuck in. Sorry kid, but sometimes you will be expected to put pen to paper and your nose in a book. Especially the latter. But don't worry, there'll be lots of people to help you with the bigger words.
Here's another well known piece of knowledge that should put your mind to rest about becoming a Hass Avocado - if everything is awesome when you're part of a team, it's funkadelic, splendiforous and kryptonian when you're playing Lego!!!!
It sounds very busy, right? Pater certainly feels that way sometimes...most of the time... all of the time. But worry not. When life gets too cray cray, then just chill out. With or without a blanket.
You're probably now wondering if you're going to be bored. A tea break can only last so long. Siestas need to finish. Otherwise your mind can turn to mush. What's the solution? Sudoko? Candy Crush? How about helping us work out what the following means for AJ2's future?
Flummoxed? Worry not - we can't figure it out either. Don't fret. Life is just too confusing to get bogged down in these unsolveable enigmas. Don't worry, be happy!
And if that doesn't work, just do something craaaazzzzyyyyyy!!!!
Still worried? Seriously? How much more convincing do you need, AJ4? You have three beautiful, wonderful, funny siblings all waiting to play with you. Yes, yes, Pater knows: Mater's womb wall is not so thick that you can't hear the arguing, fighting and crying that goes on between them. But can you also hear the laughter, friendship and love between them?
Look, let's get down to brass tack: if it doesn't work out with your siblings, you can always move in with some lovely ladies who, according to those in the know, will shower you with pure, unadulterated love (candies and toys), 24/7/52. And all they expect back are the occasional kisses and hugs. It's a great deal.
Mater informs me that, while those ladies may be lovely, apparently you can't go and live with them; that Pater has been waffling on for far too long; and that you have nothing to fear, we love you lots and can't wait to have you as part of our family.
Really? That's all its taken to calm you down? Okay, great. So I guess we'll be seeing you next month then. Oh and with everyone in the delivery room wearing surgical masks and fashionable hair nets, you may be worrying that you won't know which one is your Pater. That's easy. I'll be the chilled-out, worry-free guy with a big smile on his face.
Posts
