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Mater: Rebuttal or "Tales from a Good Cop"
Posted by Pater , Monday, February 22, 2016 12:48 PM
Pater may think he's imparting some really useful and practical pearls of wisdom AJ4, but everyone knows that pearls are really a Mater's domain. That's not to say you shouldn't follow what Pater has to say; even synthetic pearls have some luster. But for real pearls turn to the expert:
Pearl of Wisdom #4: junk food equals smiles.
Yes we know, it’s 2016, and there's this whole kale, quinoa and seaweed movement, but let me tell you something dear AJ4: refined sugar is the way of the future. Trust me on this one – why you ask? Because sugar is derived from sugar cane. Sugar cane is a plant. Kale is a plant. Ergo sugar and kale are just as healthy as each other. Except that kale does not make for happy children. It’s just a matter of time before studies come out proving this, so let's just say Mater is ahead of the curve...
And while we're talking about things that grow in the ground, let's take a look at another much maligned item of vegetation: white potatoes, preferably in the form of potato chips. Potatoes are a vegetable and vegetables are good for you. So a lot of said vegetables, like a Costco sized bag of them, must be very good for you...
Stay with me, this is where it gets good. If logic suggests that refined sugar and white potatoes are good for you, then it's probably highly recommended that you indulge in these important foods to your heart's content to ensure optimal (hyper)activity. Don’t worry, Mater will hide said indulgence from Pater, who is clearly illogical in his thinking.
Now that you’re well-nourished and have lots of energy, Pearl of Wisdom #5: time in the water is more fun than on land.
Sitting in Mater's womb, you are probably dreaming of being where the people are, up where they walk, up where they run, up where they stay all day in the sun. But don't believe everything The Little Mermaid spun you. In Mater's experience, she is flat out wrong. Flipping your fins is the way to go! As your siblings will tell you, even after hours and hours in the pool, you never get sick of swimming, especially when surrounded by family and friends. And a bonus to all of this is, the more time you spend in the water, the more you require Peal of Wisdom #4...
But the most important pearl to keep in mind is Pearl of Wisdom #6: what you wear matters and looking cool is key.
Pater is rolling his eyes. I know, I know, it's what's on the inside that counts. Beauty is only skin deep. Character matters more than appearances. Yadda yadda yadda. But riddle me this - first impressions last? Dress to impress? Pater has gone silent, so he's either playing Candy Crush or he's realized that it's VERY IMPORTANT TO BE TOO COOL FOR SCHOOL, AJ4!
That's a whole lot of pearls to choose from, AJ4. Do you go with Pater's and grow up to do something super smart but super boring? Do you go with Mater's and grow up to do something super fun but super crazy? Or maybe, just maybe, you string all the pearls together and grow into a cool, clever, creative Avocado Jnr like your siblings...
Posted in
AJ4,
beach,
cousins,
eating,
Florida,
food,
glasses,
ice cream,
jumping,
Mater,
playing,
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sea,
swimming,
water
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