To Pater's chagrin, we live in the land of the snow. Canada and the white stuff are as synonymous as South America and the other white stuff. So imagine our surprise when this year, the best we could manage so far was this:
Yes, thanks to El Nino, Global Warming and/or Al Gore, this year Toronto was spared our usual snow storms and Mater was spared multiple hours bundling and unbundling you Avocado Jnrs. But that's not to say you totally missed out on a Canadian Winter. Where previous years were spent frolicking in the snow, building snowmen and the like, this year was all about the ice, whether you were skating indoors...
...or outdoors...
Truth be told, we would never send you onto ice unless it was sufficiently thick to ensure maximum safety. So if it wasn't you three Avocado Jnrs who were skating on thin ice, who was it? Maybe Mater and Pater? After all, who else decided that since having three Avocado Juniors is so exhilarating, that perhaps...
...just perhaps...
...having another Avocado Junior will be as much fun? But then again, are Mater and Pater really skating on thin ice? Not likely! AJ1, AJ2 and AJ3, you bring us joy, happiness, laughter and meaning. So if the three of you are anything to go by, Mater and Pater have only one thing to say to AJ4: Get your skates on, we can't wait to welcome you to the Hass Avocado Family!!!
Grandma Toronto was born in Hungary, Grandpa Toronto was born in America, Grandma London was born in South Africa and Grandpa London was born in Poland. Pater was born in England. Sooooo that pretty much leaves it to Mater, the only true-born Canadian, to teach you both about being a Canadian. My Avocado Juniors, this means it is up to Mater to explain the importance of "ai" at the end of every sentence. Alreet, not alright. Ooot, not out. Labour, not labor. Oh and if you want to get ahead in this country, you need to know everything and anything about hockey.
We're not talking about a fleeting acquaintance with Canada's favourite sport. Encyclopaedic knowledge is required of the Toronto Maple Leafs, Montreal Canadiens and Ottawa Senators if you are to avoid pariah status in the playground or at the water cooler. But knowledge is not enough. Oh no. You also need to know how to play the game and so your first step on this path to social inclusion is learning to skate. Which you did like a true pro, AJ1, this winter, going from this...
...in just a short time, to this...
Next year you'll be skating rings around AJ2 when he joins you on the ice. Not to mention Pater who WILL be donning skates despite what he says. And no, Pater, it's not enough for you to read Stephen Harper's "A Great Game" from cover to cover!
It seems that Avocados are bloody good for you. High in protein and healthy fats, low in sugar and packed with potassium and vitamins K, B, C and E. All of this is evidently working out for the fruits themselves, which always have a robust look about them (though Pater questions one website's description of them as "meat substitutes". Sorry tofu-lovers but nothing substitutes meat!).
What's true for the fruit, certainly seems to be true for our Avocado Juniors. How else can Pater explain the continued growth and development in our children? Every time I turn around (which admittedly is not too often, unless I'm chasing my own tail), there's something new. We all still remember when AJ1 turned over in the winter of 2010 in Florida. And yet now, only a year and a half later, she's driving on her own...
...riding long extinct animals with no help from us or Barney Rubble...
...performing death-defying stunts...
...learning how to be a real Canadian...
...experimenting with makeup...
...being taught how to beat up boys (known colloquially as "karate")...
...and Pater's biggest upset: starting nursery, a prison sentence that will end for her in a little over 20 years...
Okay, okay, she's a girl. They develop quicker. It's understandable. Friends assured Pater he can rest easy in knowing that AJ2 will live up to his gender and evolve at a pace only slightly faster than the one in which Homo-Habilis became Homo-Sapien. But then how to explain him going from a cute accessory or doorstop...
...to getting leg muscles...
...and learning how to use them for practical reasons...
...and not so practical reasons...
Pater thought the achievement of standing and climbing would satisfy AJ2 for the next 18 years or so. But oh no, he had to get clever. Like Christopher Columbus before him, the travel-bug hit AJ2 and he was off...
...and when foiled in his escape attempts, AJ2 reverted to other methods of evasion...
Once Pater got past mournful declarations to Mater of "it was only yesterday that...", he pulled himself together (read: Mater slapped him). The educational system now has AJ1, so there's nothing Pater can do to stop her Ascent. But Pater can still slow down one aspect of AJ2's Ascent, notably his mobility - and is doing so by any means available...
Pater checked: sisters can still be used in warfare without contravening The Geneva Convention.
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