Below are scans of you, Avocado Junior, while in Mater's belly (8 weeks, 16 weeks and 19 weeks respectively). Already after the first scan we could tell that you'll be good looking, intelligent, witty, a friend maker, God fearing, respectful, happy and the creator of a utopia on Earth. In fact, I have made it a point of whispering these "suggestions" to you every night before I go to sleep. I'm assured that positive reinforcement, as well as getting used to my voice, is a good thing for a baby. I just hope you can hear through Mater's belly wall. How awful would it be if you misheard and turned out mood mooking, mintelligent, mitty, a mriend maker, Mod mearing...well you get my point. It doesn't help that Mater tells me off if I shout at her belly.
Anyway, enjoy the photos as much as we did when they were taken. Except for the time that the rude technician refused to answer all my questions and didn't share in my observation that Mater's womb looks like a Star Trek episode. Not his fault I suppose. He was probably annoyed that, when he was in the womb, his Pater forgot to remind him to be a proper doctor and not a glorified photographer.
All this talk of Avocadoes...that was so week 16 - we're way past that now. I would say you're more of a watermelon at this point, than an avocado. But, you are definitely a Hass that's for sure. Not that I am suggesting the constant kicking, turning and hiccupping are at all indicative of Hass qualities. The refusing to turn around for your 19 week ultrasound, may be indicative of something.... Or maybe you are just camera shy.
In any case, we're very excited to meet you! It's a weird feeling, really. I mean, we know you are arriving sometime soon, but we don't even know if you are a boy or a girl. So it's hard to prepare mentally. Or practically, for that matter. Other than considering name options (which, if you don't like, Pater was the ultimate decider; but if you do like, I had the final say, of course), we haven't really done that much to prepare. But we promise to make up for it when you arrive...
I do know that I already love you so much. Even if you are sitting on so many body parts that cause me discomfort, leading to many bathroom trips and cocktails of antacids. Or even if you are causing so much fluid to leak out of my vessels and end up giving me lovely cankles and carpel tunnel syndrome (Pater doesn't like using such formal medical terms, but since I want you to grow up to be a doctor, I will start early). Or even if you stop my airways from working properly, making it impossible to walk and talk simultaneously. I wouldn't trade all these things for the world because I know you'll be worth it.
And if not, I'll just trade you in for an avocado.
Posted by
Pater
,
12:18 AM
What do we know about the small pear-shaped fruit that is synonymous with our surname, my beautiful Avocado Junior? Well, the Hass Avocado is the most important avocado in the commercial market worldwide, making about $1 billion a year. Not that I've ever seen a dime of that. When ripe, this fruit yields to gentle pressure. When I'm a little merry from alcohol I've also been known to yield to gentle pressure. The Hass Avocado trees have a tendency to produce well in alternate years. And that's as far as my analogy can go. Yes, I could make a link between the fruit's ugly greeny-brown exterior and certain members of my family. Or the fact that even once you get past the hideous casing, the fruit's yellowy-green interior requires a ton of salt, pepper and lemon to give it any flavour. I could. But I won't. Because that's a topic for another blog.
No, the aim of this blog is to create something for you, our Avocado Junior, to look at one day and find out why we did what we did when we did. Or something like that. Parenting is a huge adventure into the unknown and while you may think we know what we're doing, the truth is we have no bloody idea. Maybe putting this down in black and white is a mistake and will work against us when you want to divorce us and needs formal proof. Or maybe it will save you hours in therapy fees, not least because the therapist can just catch up on our mistakes on the internet. So much cheaper than long sessions of hypnotherapy.
But then again, maybe this whole blog isn't a selfless work for you. Maybe, as it says above, the whole blog is nothing more than our way of getting the grandparents off our back. No more will we have to provide detailed descriptions of what Avocado Junior is doing. A simple "read the blog!" and we can go about our business.
Or maybe this blog serves several purposes. Much like the noble Hass Avocado, packed with vitamin B and folic acids, and as tasty in dip form as it is whole in a salad.
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