Pater: The Great Escape

Posted by Pater , Sunday, July 11, 2010 7:23 PM

It took us a while, but Mater and Pater finally worked out your plans, Avocado Jnr. You nearly escaped from the maximum security facility, aka "The Nursery", but we foiled you. But that's getting ahead of the story. Let's start from the beginning. We think it began when you learned to stand in your crib. What a startling discovery it must have been for you...

Is that when you started plotting your escape? If so, you were smart. We had no idea. How could we when you pretended to be absorbed in every day baby activities, like reading books by your favourite author, Sandra Boynton. Pater was so taken in with this ploy that he'd hear complete strangers saying "No, no, that isn't right" and mutter under his breath "The pigs say, "oink, oink" all day and night".

And as for pretending to be immersed in the Football (no, not soccer!) World Cup, shame on you. Pater's home country made have been smashed by the Germans 4 -1, but that didn't give you the right to abuse this most holy (and beautiful) of sports to help pull the wool over our eyes.

But what really fooled us was your pretend obsession with the king himself. No, not Elvis. Barney. Obviously! Mater fell for that one hook, line and sinker. So did Grandma Toronto. You even cried and begged to see him live in concert. Was that part of your plan? Lull us into thinking it was safe to let you out the house. Weaken our parental defences? If so, it almost worked.

From what we understand, you weren't alone in your plans. Based on sources we cannot reveal at this time, we belive this young man was to be your getaway driver.
And Pater suspects your cousin wasn't giving you an innocent kiss here, but rather divulging some tips on how to evade the cameras and security guards around The Nursery.
You were good. Almost too good. This look of innocence when first quizzed about your escape plans nearly convinced us. Is that where you were hiding your map of the house?

We're guessing you began feeling the pressure shortly after this event and decided on today for The Great Escape. Maybe you thought it was better to try now than remaining forever in The Nursery. Maybe we'll never know the truth. But we do know that the first attempt was a failure. The old "Up and Over" escape plan has worked for babies in the past but not when they forget the rope for the other side. By the time you went back to get it, that window of opportunity had closed and Mater came in the room.

The following footage was caught on security cameras.

Your second attempt proved equally futile. We haven't identified the individuals whose attention you were trying to attract, but as soon as we do, they will be brought in for questioning.

A Hass Avocado to the core, you didn't let two failures stop you. We're not sure why you attempted the "Up and Over" again but it seems that you learnt from your previous mistakes and quickly abandoned it for an alternative escape route. And boy were you merciless. You were even willing to leave behind Percy Penguin when you realised he was more hindrance than help. Percy is now in a maximum security facility pending extradition to the North Pole.


The Hass Avocados around the world can sleep easily in their beds tonight. Recaptured by your wily Pater, you are now back where you belong...behind bars. And no, the readers of this blog are not naive enough to believe in your innocence. Nor will they support the fundraising for your release by clicking on the advert at the bottom of the page. What do you take them for???

Posted in , , , , | 0 comments
Subscribe to: Posts (Atom)