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Pater: Hair we go again
Posted by Pater , Thursday, May 18, 2017 1:27 AM
The late, great Terry Pratchett once wrote that "people think stories are shaped by people. In fact it's the other way round." Also known as Narrative Causality, it means that the same stories repeat themselves throughout history, whether that's kings fighting for their queens, or little harmless girls aimlessly taking a stroll through a forest to the detriment of the formerly scary, wild animals who live there. How does it always start? With those magic words, once upon a time...
...in Ancient Israel, there was a woman who was promised by God a son, if she never cut his hair. The woman agreed, and a beautiful baby boy was born...
...and as the boy grew, and so did his hair...
...and the woman kept her promise and did not touch his hair...
...and lo, as the boy's hair got longer, he also got stronger and more adventurous..
...and the local, uncultured people (some might even call them Philistines) grew scared of the boy's growing strength. The woman feared that they might harm the source of her son's power, and so she began hiding his ever growing locks...
...but when he was in the safety of his own home, she let his hair down...
But before we go any further with this story and ponder how many times it got repeated in history, let us consider that perhaps at least once or twice, the boy didn't grow up to have anger management issues, women problems or even bring the house down. Because that's the tricky thing about Narrative Causality - there are so many stories flapping around, you never know when they might collide and you end up starting one story but finishing another. So the only thing to do is read to the end. For example, once upon a time...
...in 18th century Poland, there was a pious man who sometimes collected sticks in the wood and gave them to poor people for kindling, or sometimes walked the land telling stories that inspired the listeners to lead a better life. And that man married a woman and had a daughter and then a son, and for mystical reasons lost to the depths of time, they did not cut the hair of their son for the first three years of his life. And the son went through this strange ritual and turned out just fine (especially after his hair cut, when strangers stopped calling him a cute little girl). And they had a second son and the man inquired from his wife if she would agree to what had now become a family tradition. The woman was still in doubt but when she saw how cool her second son looked with long hair, she agreed...
...and so the second son, known locally in Yiddish as AJ3, continued to grow his hair without any signs of enhanced strength nor any desire to tie burning torches to the tail of two foxes...
...and without ripping any lions apart, the boy finally reached the momentous age of three. Celebrations were held throughout the land...
...and continued on that most kabbalistic of days, Lag B'Omer. Once an obligatory family photo was taken, obviously...
...oh and the room suitably set up with the appropriate food and decor...
...and a test run was done on the woman...
...but finally the snipping began by family and friends, as the boy sat calmly waiting for cake and presents...
...which were enjoyed with gusto...
So did the story just repeat itself, many miles and years later? Not quite. Because even Narrative Causality isn't strong enough to override the will of Mater, who was happy to allow Pater to keep up a 200 year old family tradition, but wasn't willing to let family and friends destroy AJ3's cool long hair...
...and so our story really ends a few days later. After a visit to a proper hairdresser...
The End? No, no, just the beginning of another story...
Posted in
AJ3,
aunts,
baby,
cousins,
grandparents,
hair,
haircut,
Pater,
uncles,
upsherin
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