Whether you call it fall (incorrectly) or autumn (correctly: that's what the Queen calls it), this is a great time of year in Canada. Summer is still a warm memory and Winter is a distant shudder. The leafs are a multitude of colours. And all in all, it's a great time of year for family photos aka a festival of cajoling, bribes and threats so that everyone is smiling in the same direction at the same time.
With September comes the influx of all things Grandma. AJ1 and AJ2 you are both very lucky to have Grandma Toronto living in the same city as you and while it's unfortunate that Grandma London is 3,500 miles away, you do get to see her at least once a year for a whole month. In that last sentence are so many potential mother-in-law jokes that Pater could burst! Suffice to say, my Avocado Juniors, that we pray you too benefit from all the free advice mother-in-laws so generously give...
Now, everyone knows that grandmas are like a piece of string - handy to have around and easy to wrap around grandchildren's fingers. And whether it's with Grandma Toronto on a regular basis, or with Grandma London when she stays with us in the autumn, both statements are most definitely true. To put it frankly, both your grandmothers are absolutely gaga over you. Which is a bit of a relief because most of the time, Mater and Pater do a great job of annoying them and if not for you, Grandmas London and Toronto would probably avoid us like the plague. Pater in particular is grateful to you both AJ1 and AJ2, because how else could he entice Grandma London to Canada with his annual supply of Lewin shirts, Marmite and Tetley tea bags???
But just on the off-chance you forget, AJ1 and AJ2, here's a quick reminder to what your grandmas are for...
...cuddling you when you're happy or sad...
...reading to you...
...playing jigsaw with you...
...watching Peppa Pig with you...
...making sure your trainset is working...
...pushing you on the swing...
...and loving you unconditionally more than anyone will ever love you again in your life (N.B. Mater and Pater's love is conditional on the hugs and kisses we get)...
It seems that Avocados are bloody good for you. High in protein and healthy fats, low in sugar and packed with potassium and vitamins K, B, C and E. All of this is evidently working out for the fruits themselves, which always have a robust look about them (though Pater questions one website's description of them as "meat substitutes". Sorry tofu-lovers but nothing substitutes meat!).
What's true for the fruit, certainly seems to be true for our Avocado Juniors. How else can Pater explain the continued growth and development in our children? Every time I turn around (which admittedly is not too often, unless I'm chasing my own tail), there's something new. We all still remember when AJ1 turned over in the winter of 2010 in Florida. And yet now, only a year and a half later, she's driving on her own...
...riding long extinct animals with no help from us or Barney Rubble...
...performing death-defying stunts...
...learning how to be a real Canadian...
...experimenting with makeup...
...being taught how to beat up boys (known colloquially as "karate")...
...and Pater's biggest upset: starting nursery, a prison sentence that will end for her in a little over 20 years...
Okay, okay, she's a girl. They develop quicker. It's understandable. Friends assured Pater he can rest easy in knowing that AJ2 will live up to his gender and evolve at a pace only slightly faster than the one in which Homo-Habilis became Homo-Sapien. But then how to explain him going from a cute accessory or doorstop...
...to getting leg muscles...
...and learning how to use them for practical reasons...
...and not so practical reasons...
Pater thought the achievement of standing and climbing would satisfy AJ2 for the next 18 years or so. But oh no, he had to get clever. Like Christopher Columbus before him, the travel-bug hit AJ2 and he was off...
...and when foiled in his escape attempts, AJ2 reverted to other methods of evasion...
Once Pater got past mournful declarations to Mater of "it was only yesterday that...", he pulled himself together (read: Mater slapped him). The educational system now has AJ1, so there's nothing Pater can do to stop her Ascent. But Pater can still slow down one aspect of AJ2's Ascent, notably his mobility - and is doing so by any means available...
Pater checked: sisters can still be used in warfare without contravening The Geneva Convention.
Posts
