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Mater: A Woman's Right to Shoes
Posted by Pater , Thursday, March 4, 2010 9:45 PM
Our dear Avocado Jr., now in your fifth month, you have developed quite the character: giggling at Pater when he makes funny faces (someone has to find Pater humorous), fake crying when Mater leaves the room, and eating every toy in sight when you're not busy sucking on your two favourite (middle) fingers. But, most importantly, you are cultivating that most female characteristic: shoe addiction.
To quote a very wise woman:
“Aidan: Don’t take this the wrong way, but this place could use a little work.
Carrie: I know, but I can’t afford it.
Aidan: You’ve got eight thousand bucks worth of shoes over there.
Carrie: I needed those!”
Of course you need all these shoes, my dear Avocado Jr. Oh, Pater will blame me and suggest that I am projecting, but he doesn't understand that YOU just can't live without variety. Sandals, ballet shoes, sneakers, silver shoes (your favourite), pink boots, red slip ons, suede slippers, flip flops and rain boots. You have them all. And they're all darn cute. Pater says your collection of shoes would put Immelda Marcos to shame. But Pater has the audacity to accuse Mater of buying them for her own pleasure. As if! Every young lady should own Baby Havaiana flip flops. Period. Pater didn't accept that deep and logical argument and they were returned to the store, so we know who to blame if you're on the beach somewhere, suddenly learn to walk, but a lack of Havaianas leaves you flopping around on the sand.
According to http://www.babycentre.ca/ (our bible in rearing you) it's a good idea to let you go barefoot whenever it's safe. Apparently you'll enjoy the sensation of various surfaces (soft sand, lush carpet, cool tile) beneath your feet, and a barefoot base will help you build strength and coordination in you legs and feet, too. That piece of advice was clearly written by a man. You, Avocado Jnr, will be learning the wisdom of Mrs Gump, mother of Forrest, who said you can tell an awful lot about a person from the kind of shoes they wear. First impressions last and shoes form a vital part of that first impression so you need to get it right. And learning how to do that does not happen overnight - a proper shoe collection takes years to perfect.
What Pater doesn't understand is that your shoe collection serves so many purposes - not only do the shoes do wonders for your outfit, they help keep your socks on (and ask any mater, socks don't stay on by themselves), they are fabulous tools to teach you to count (by twos, of course) and they help you learn different colours (starting with certain red soled shoes...). Shoes equal education and that's why Mater has started your education at such an early age. But, my dear Avocado Jr., while you do love your shoes, please let your first words be "mater" and "pater" and not "Christian Louboutin".
What Pater doesn't understand is that your shoe collection serves so many purposes - not only do the shoes do wonders for your outfit, they help keep your socks on (and ask any mater, socks don't stay on by themselves), they are fabulous tools to teach you to count (by twos, of course) and they help you learn different colours (starting with certain red soled shoes...). Shoes equal education and that's why Mater has started your education at such an early age. But, my dear Avocado Jr., while you do love your shoes, please let your first words be "mater" and "pater" and not "Christian Louboutin".
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The girl with the most shoes wins.